


Secrets

by Readwriteedit (orphan_account)



Category: The Penderwicks Series - Jeanne Birdsall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 12:09:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1648142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Readwriteedit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosy had Anna, Jane had the world, and Batty still confided in the animals that sat on her bed. But Skye was more private, more guarded, and her secrets would go with her to the grave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crush

It wasn't a crush.

Of that much she was absolutely sure.

Okay, so her heart had sort of stopped that hot September day when she had walked into the chemistry lab and first caught sight of him. And sure, every time he called on her (which was often) a strange sort of warmth began to rise up in her chest.

But it wasn't a crush.

Definitely not.

And if she found herself rushing to get to his class early and staying a bit late to clean the beakers, that was just because she was helpful, not because the teacher was cute and smart and sweet.

He was not cute.

Definitely not cute.

And if it just so happened that her favorite math book was soon replaced by a chemistry book, well, that was just because she was ready for a change or pace. Right?

It wasn't a crush.

Period. End of story.

* * *

 

It was stupid, really.

It took three years for her to come to terms with the fact that okay, maybe it _had_ been a crush.

As the reality of the situation faded, and was more and more replaced with fond memories of explosions and benson burners, she accepted the fact that no one else had ever made her feel so giddy, so silly.

So stupid.

She blamed it entirely on the fact that she had been 13 and 98% hormones.

But it was stupid, none the less.

And yet, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to be mad.

All she could do was smile when no one was looking and try not to babble too much about chemical equations.

Apparently, she was still stupid.

* * *

 

Years later, she saw him at a conference.

They were colleagues this time. No longer teacher and student, but equals in the field of science.

The weight of her engagement ring on her finger was a constant reminder that she had moved on, that they were nothing more than peers now, and yet she still couldn't keep the smile off her face.

"You probably don't remember me, Mr. Stevens, but my name is Skye Penderwick and I was in your 7th grade chemistry class."

_And no one will ever know that I had a horrible crush on you…_


	2. Faith

She was ashamed of it, really.

.

And then even more ashamed that she was ashamed.

.

.

She knew it was illogical and unproven and probably idealistic of her, but she couldn't help but believe.

.

The truth was that there were times when she just couldn't stand alone. Times when her iron-clad exterior melted and she was reverted to age 7, and it was all she could do not to curl up into a ball and sob for her mother.

.

.

And if there was a chance that her mother was safe, a chance that she could see her again, then what choice did she have?

.

She couldn't let that chance slide away.

.

She just couldn't.

.

.

There were nights when she couldn't take it any more.

.

Nights when she would announce that she was going to the library to study, and drive off to the one place her mother still remained.

.

.

Under the guise of the night, she would slip through the heavy wooden doors, and into the warmth and safety of the church.

.

Some nights she would spend hours kneeling in a pew, praying to a God she couldn't prove existed and yet couldn't bring herself to not believe in.

.

.

Because if God didn't exist…

.

If heaven didn't exist…

.

Then Elizabeth Penderwick was truly gone.

.

Forever.

.

And she couldn't bear to think about that.

.

.

And then, after hours of hoping and doubting and wishing with all her heart that someone, anyone, could hear her and answer her prayers, she would light a candle for her mother, and walk back out into the night.

.

.

If her family noticed that she never seemed to bring home any books from the "library," they didn't mention it.

.

What Skye did on Friday nights was her business, and if their mother's bible was looking a bit more dog-eared than usual, it couldn't possibly be because of no-nonsense Skye.

.

The girl who didn't believe in anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought that Skye would be the most religious of the bunch, despite her yearn for logical explainations. I think she is the most passionate of her sisters (once she let's herself go) and though she tries to hide it--and does so quite well--I think her mother's death affected her more than we've seen. That would explain why she is always trying to be like her mom. 
> 
> This is just a bit of further exploration into how she might cope with her lasting grief. Pure speculation, of course... :-)


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